Envision wanting something really bad but standing between you and what you desire is an obstacle course full of seemingly impossible things to overcome in order to get where you want to be. You no longer see what it is you once desired but you see the obstacles that stand in your way. You feel overwhelmed and inadequate. You feel disappointed and you feel like a failure because all you see are the obstacles and all you know is that you cannot overcome them. This was what my life was like before I came to know Christ and even something I struggled with after. I had big hopes and big dreams but the odds always seemed against me. I had a tough time growing up as I had a tough time fitting in and making friends.I was even picked on at times. I wasn't popular, good looking, or good at sports. It felt like, from a very young age, the odds were stacked against me. Because of this, I struggled with depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts. All I wanted, was to be like everyone else and to be accepted. But then, there came the obstacles and the obstacles were overwhelming. They were all I could see and all I could hear were the thoughts in my head telling me that I was a failure, that I wasn't good enough, and that I never would be good enough. I acted tough around people but I was breaking on the inside. What was wrong with me?
The more I talk to people, the more I realize that I am not the only one who has gone through this and I'm willing to bet that most people, if not all have struggled with something similar at some point in their life. They may have different dreams, different obstacles, and different shortcomings but the struggle of dealing with unmet expectations or dreams is something I believe we all deal with to some degree. Why does this happen?
I think it all starts with where we get our sense of identity. What do I mean by sense of identity? I am talking about what we allow to define us. For example, if we find our identity in how we look, we will feel like a failure if we don't look a certain way. If we find our identity in our job, we will feel like a failure if we don't feel like what we are doing is important. These are just a couple of examples. There are many things that we find our identity in. Many of us have more than one thing. For me, I felt like I needed to at least measure up to everyone else or even be better. In my mind, I could not be happy unless I met or surpassed this expectation. So I tried, and tried, and tried to make this happen but it seemed nothing I could do was ever good enough. So all I saw were the obstacles in front of me and I could not see a way forward. The more overwhelmed by the obstacles I became, the more broken I became. It got to where all I could do was cry out to God for help. And God heard my cry.
I had been a Christian before this moment (You can read more about how that happened in the My Story section on my homepage) but I was struggling because I still was focused on the wrong things for my sense of identity. I hope this encourages those of you who are still Christians and struggling with things because you are not alone. Christians still struggle with things. We are human and flesh and still struggle with our sin nature and our emotions and we still can make bad decisions. I don't believe that means we are any less Christian but I do believe these things can hinder our walk with the Lord and keep us from fully doing the things that He wants to do through us. This was where I was. I was a Christian but I was struggling. My problem was not only was I too focused on the obstacles, I was not looking to the right source for the right solution. I saw that I was messed up. I didn't have a great paying job. I didn't have a wife. I wasn't where I felt I should be. I kept looking at where other people were and comparing myself to them and feeling like I didn't measure up. My identity was wrapped up in how I measured up to other people so therefore I felt like a failure. Was there anything wrong with wanting to do better? Or wanting a wife? No. In fact those are great things to desire. What was wrong was that my identity was wrapped up in whether or not I had those things. In my brokenness as I cried out to God and surrendered to Him, He began to show me this. In response to my feeling like a failure God reminded me that I am a new creation through Christ and what He has done for me (2 Corinthians 5:17). I also remembered the words of my mentor when I was struggling. I would tell him that I felt like a failure because I was working retail and didn't feel like I was going anywhere in my life and he told me that success isn't what kind of job you have, it is whether or not you are doing what God has called you to do. If he calls me to be in the situation where I'm working a retail job and I am doing my best and doing it for His glory, than I am successful. It took a while for that to sink in but once I got it, it really helped. I stopped looking at all of these things that I thought I should be. I stopped looking at all of the obstacles. I started asking God, "What do you want me to do now?" As I started asking this question, God started showing me areas of my life that needed work. I went back to school. I started being more financially responsible. I started taking better care of myself and exercising and eating better. Things just started falling into place. Why? Because I was no longer in control. I stopped making excuses. I stopped looking at all the obstacles and I stopped letting the world tell me who I needed to be and I started listening to God and letting Him show me what I needed to do. I did not find in that process a God who was disappointed in me or ashamed of me but I found a God who welcomed me with open arms into His arms of grace and who wanted to help me but I first had to come to a place where I was willing to accept that I needed help and to ask Him for that help. I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today without Him. I am now married to a beautiful wife who absolutely loves the Lord and is way better than I could have ever imagined. I have finished school and now have a career working in Purchasing. And as grateful as I am for all of that, I did not need any of that to know who I am or to feel good about myself. God knew that and He had to bring me to that place before any of that could happen. I would have been a lousy husband and a lousy worker had my heart not been in the right place. While I thought all of that stuff was what would make me better, it was God who fixed my life like I never thought it could ever be fixed and only He could have ever done it. I trusted Him with my life and He ultimately brought to that place that I thought I should have been.
The Bible says, "Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:6, NET). That is exactly what happened in my life. All I could see before were the obstacles but I could not see a path forward. Some of you reading may be feeling like I was, overwhelmed by obstacles and maybe finding your identity in all the wrong things. You are not alone. I want to challenge you to stop focusing on all the obstacles and stop focusing on what everything and everyone else is telling you that you should be and to ask God to show you who you should be. Christ paid the price for our sins. Those of us who believe in Him can be assured that our identity lies in Him and God has accepted us as His children. Those of you who don't know Him, I want you to know that God isn't asking you to "get it right." He wants you just as you are. Put your faith in Christ and He will help you become who you need to be. He is bigger than all of your obstacles. When you don't see any way forward, He is your path. He is the way forward.
