There is a poison that enters our lives that robs our ability to experience joy. It robs our ability to be happy for others. It robs our ability to enjoy the good things in our lives. That poison is envy. I've been reading through a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. One of the chapters is about the "Ten Laws of Boundaries." One of the laws is The Law of Envy. Upon it reading it, I was reminded of the destructive power envy had over my life.
I grew up kind of an outcast. It was often hard to fit in and I found myself frequently comparing myself to others to figure out what was "wrong" with me. I adopted, from an early age, a mindset of, "If I'm not like other people, I don't have value." This mindset was a breeding ground for envy. I couldn't be happy for others because I was envious. I couldn't enjoy the good things in my life because they weren't "good enough." This mindset was poison for me. It stole my joy and stole my ability to really be a good friend to other people.
The section I was reading in Boundaries lead off with a verse from James that says, "You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight" (James 4:2). This paints a picture of the sin that envy breeds in our lives. Now most of us may not kill someone because of our envy but envy does lead to hate and anger towards others. Jesus says in the Bible, "You have heard it said, 'Do not murder,' and 'whoever murders will be subjected to judgement.' But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgement"(Matthew 5:21:22). Anger is equated to murder according to Jesus.
To put into further perspective how serious a sin envy can be, the writers of Boundaries talk about how it was Satan's sin. He envied God and wanted to be "like the Most High" (Isaiah 14:14). He then went on to tempt Adam and Eve with the same sin! He told them that they could be like God and injected the poison of envy. They became unhappy with who they were and what they had and it lead to the fall. Envy is the reason our world is now broken and infected with sin.
The authors then go on to say that envy defines "good" as "what we do not possess," and hates the good it has. They highlight that what is so destructive about this sin is that it "guarantees that we will not get what we want and that keeps us perpetually insatiable and dissatisfied."
This hit the nail on the head for what I was going through early in my life. I was miserable because all I could see is what I did not have. The only thing I thought would be good enough is if I was like other people. Because I wasn't (at least in my own eyes), I had a crappy attitude towards people. I didn't love others as I should because I was too busy comparing myself and envying what I did not have. And because of that, I was never happy and I was never satisfied.
The authors then go on to point out that it is not wrong to want things we do not have. God wants to give us the desires of our heart. But envy is not trusting Him to do that. It is us trying to take control of the situation because we do not trust that He has our best interests in mind. The authors go on to say that the problem is that "envy focuses outside our boundaries, onto others." This "outside focus" causes us to neglect our own responsibilities and in turns leaves us empty and unfulfilled. They then cite Galatians, "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else" (Galatians 6:4).
The authors then talk about envy being a "self-perpetuating cycle." The only way to break it, according to the authors, is by taking the time and energy spent focusing on envying others and using that instead to do something about your own personal situation. The only way out is by taking action. The authors point out the quote, "You have not because you ask not," and they also say the Bible supports that "because you work not." You have to get to a point of realization that you are the one responsible for how your life is going. NOT other people. If you want things to get better, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
I can remember ,at my lowest point in my life, crying out to God and saying, "Ok God, I've done it my way long enough. Show me what to do." He responded and my life changed drastically. He began to show me all of the areas of the life that I was not being proactive and how those areas were affecting me. He also challenged me on my envy and convicted me of it. He helped me see how it was ruining relationships and inhabiting my ability to experience real joy. He enabled me to be happy for others who had good things going on in their lives instead of being jealous. I found there was real joy in that. He took also took my eyes from being so focused on what I didn't have to appreciating what I did have and I was able to see blessings in my life that were always there but I couldn't see or appreciated because I was poisoned by envy. He also lead me to take action on the things in my life that weren't where I wanted them to be. I didn't have a great job so I went to school and got my degree. I wasn't in great shape physically so I started eating better and working out. I was single so I started being more proactive about meeting people and eventually found my wife, who probably was more attracted to me because she saw these changes occurring in my life. I felt like the qualities of all of my relationships improved as well and I was able to enjoy life more thoroughly. This is not to say that I do not still struggle with this. I am still human and I battle the temptation to envy and to compare myself with others and sometimes still fall into this trap but God has made me more aware of this tendency of mine and helps me through it. He is so patient and merciful. Even in my worst envious state, He loved me wholly and was willing to meet me in my imperfection and help me through it. He can do that for you too. As you have seen in this post, envy helps nothing. It is a poison that keeps you in a perpetual cycle of unhappiness. Take the focus off other people and start looking at what you can do about your own life. Ask God for help. He can and wants to help! I am proof of that. I was stuck in that perpetual cycle and God helped me out of it. I leave you with one last verse. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). If you struggle, like I do, with envy, I challenge you to meditate on this verse and believe it. Envy will not make your situation better. Comparing yourself to other people will not make your situation better. Belittling yourself and your own accomplishments because you are only looking at what other people are doing will not make your situation any better. Trusting God to help you take the action that you need and the responsibility that you need to take for your own life CAN and WILL help your situation. I pray that He does and I pray that this post encourages you and helps you to get out of that perpetual cycle that I once found myself in.